bikini- the evilest word in the dictionary

So i went bikini shopping with my mum today and OMG!!! shitttttt! im freaking out. my favourite seasons is now the most feared event in my whole entire life. i tryed on this really nice seafolly bikini and it was almost a crime wearing it. i felt the mirrors mocking me and it felt like all the poster girls flaunting their bodys along the beach were looking down on me thinking to themselves what the hell is she doing here?! and i totally agree! what am i going to do?? when i try to diet i end up collapsing and winding up fatter! And hey looking like crap in a bikini is one thing but iv got my boyfriend coming away with my family to our batch with all my friends, hes never seen me in a bikini and im pretty sure he has this morphed perception of how my body looks, this may sound dramatic but it actually hurts thinking about it :(